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The current period represents a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end communication with a partner without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, finding a significant other has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes unsuccessful exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the terms this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most viral memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – According to Zoomers, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is interested or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to seeking out someone who aids you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s yuppie excess, it describes partners who opt out of having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal quirks indicating a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners crazy, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your choice to pursue a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless quirks. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that instantly shut down any sense of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic display.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {